By Pinlighter
The land through which she was fleeing was red,
and far, far, different from the gardens she had
known in Uthwer. The plants she had called weeds
were swollen to giants, and ruled here. Their form
and manner of life was strange to her. The earth
itself was humped with overlapping layers of
fungal growth, ascomycetes feeding on the
bacterial hulm in the stinking soil which in turn
consumed the sulphur and nitrate deposited by the
last volcano: the sporing bodies rose three
fathoms or more above the ground, exploding with a
soft pssshhht and a choking cloud, while
the black blades of grass and bamboos intertwined
with the fleshy rhizomes and nets of white hyphal
threads, rooting into the actual tissue and
predominating in some places.
She hungered, among the strange vegetation. Her
right hand held the fusil, butt down, for a
crutch. Her left pulled seeds from grass heads or
scooped spores from where they had accumulated on
the shelves of woody rotting tissue, and she
chewed carefully, favouring the side of her mouth
where the molars were intact, sorting through each
mouthful with her tongue and spitting out the most
poisonous and bitter morsels. She was slowly
getting better at nourishing herself and felt
herself to be a little less likely to fall now.
Between the stiff ridges of fungus were wide
stretches of black sand where walking was possible
even with her wounds. Though there was still
almost no strength in the sinews down the inside
of her legs, her knees would keep straight, and if
she did stumble she could usually rise again in
one or two attempts.
She could eat and move, but she had problems
finding safe places to sleep in the wild.
Arthropods and large insects were numerous.
Beetles the size of her hand plodded everywhere,
and eusocial ant swarms divided the ground into
territories which they defended with stinging
sprays and chewed-off poison thorns. She was too
weak to climb, so she would find some hollow or
shelter and worm into it as deeply as possible,
relying on her instinct or her half-awake hiering
to save her from the predators. She would have
followed the unthinkably ancient human pattern and
made fire as protection, but there was nothing
that she could have burnt without days of drying,
just as there was little she could have climbed
even if she had the strength, only the iron-hard
pillars of the bamboo or the flopping rotting
fungus. So sleeping was hard, and she dozed for
snatches as she walked.
Awake or asleep, her inner hearing continually
bought her messages. Some were far away echoes,
mere chatterings of pain and fear that she was too
weak to assign a range or direction to with any
certainty. The snaps and attentions of nearby
hunting beasts were more frequent and more
intense, and she changed course to avoid these
from time to time.
The band of Lovers pursuing her was a continuous
distant presence, overriding and drowning out the
minor signals. She knew they could heir
fear or attention from far beyond visual range and
she strove to keep her mind as empty as possible
so as not to be noticed by them. There was no
reason why they should detect her now. She was
hidden by the fuzz of local life-signs, and left
no track, and they were far behind her.
Every time she woke she remembered the last days
in Uthwer and tried to reckon back the time since
her escape. She knew what had happened then, in a
literal, factual, manner, but whenever she
actually replayed the events of her escape in her
mind she became badly confused and sometimes she
fell. And sometimes her memory slid further back,
to the days before the Lovers came. She remembered
her room, and her sister's face (but do not
think, do not grieve, beasts do not grieve and
you are an obedient beast) and, with sharp
longing, the comforts of her very ordinary bed.
When she pulled back from these older memories her
perception would give a bewildered lurch, a
product of the differences in mental processing
between the imposed constructions of the past and
the unRidden present, and she would have to stop
and stand still for a minute or two before
settling into motion again.
***********************************************
She might have escaped if the land had stayed
the same, but a further change came over it as she
stumbled on. The fungus and bamboo were more and
more replaced by red landcoral; great fleshy
wrinkled bulbs of stone, rooted deep and threaded
with capillary passages that fed the budding
plantanimal microbes with nutrients and
construction minerals. The coral was
telepathically null, producing almost no life
signals to hide her presence, and, worse, it was
unclimbable. Walls of it confronted her and she
had to extrapolate from what little she could see
of its mode of growth and propagation to find a
path through. When she hit deadends she had to
turn and backtrack and turn again to find a path,
and could not escape retracing miles of walking.
The fifth or sixth time she lost her way she
discovered she was trapped. She trudged wearily
back through a labyrinth of red rock and realised
her pursuers were now ahead of her. Their
mind-noise was thrumming across the hollows of
stone in the still air, insistent and sweet. They
were still far away but coming closer and focusing
on her, and their intention was changing from
movement and hunt to capture.
Her manner of thought began to shift and change.
Protective ignorance bloomed in her mind like
drowsy flowers.
Why was she here, after all, so far from home? Never
mind.
Who was pursuing her? Something bad. But
don't think about them, or you will realize
there is no reason to run and you should be with
your Lovers.
The fusil she was carrying had four charges
left. It was a killing weapon. She was carrying it
for a purpose. A reason. Don't think. She
worked its action, limped slightly faster.
There was a clutter of great rocks ahead. Rocks
were good to sleep between if there was nothing
hidden there. She scanned them, saw a nook, a
cave, reaching deep between two stones, stones
that now she looked again bore the marks of hands
and the signs of ancient shaping. And close by
were dead trees, orchard groves riddled with white
rot, shriveled black branches of pyrus and medlar.
But there was no time to study them or think: she
reached the cave, limping as fast as she could but
not daring to run in case her legs gave way again,
and they were upon her, breaking through the
rotten powdery plants and loping up the slope.
Seven great-boned shaggy men, naked, twice her
height, with copper rings constraining their
temples and warping their skulls, idiotic and
drooling; and, riding each one, a hideous
redfurred dwarf. Hideous. Hideous/beautiful. Lovers.
Her mind flipflopped, yearning for approval
through obedience, but she was already into the
mouth of the cave or building and stubbornly
not-thinking.
One of the dwarves called to her "Here are
your Lovers! Here are your Lovers!" the
words they always said. He leapt off his mount and
scuttled forward, stopping when she raised the
fusil. She retreated further. As she had
not-expected the others had mounted the rocks
behind her while the first engaged her attention,
but she was too quick and they were not able to
leap on her neck. She felt the frustrated patterns
of their actions around her as she wormed deep
into the cave.
There was a little space of quiet. Her mind
moved as slowly as beetle drowning in honey.
Outside was half-heard chatter in a tongue no man
could understand, and wonderful red faces darting,
but it was safe and cosy inside. And it was too
curious here to leave soon, despite the wonderful
things that waited for her outside. This was
indeed no cave, she saw, but some ancient
dwelling. Wrecked ironstone plates overgrown with
roots surrounded her, but the ruin did not hide
the fact that it had been a home, a fort, and at
last a tomb. The people who had dwelt here were
gone. Their grandsons stalked the sand outside,
with sores on their necks and shit caked down
their legs, carrying their masters; their
granddaughters were gone to dance with Dibidi's
people.
One of them remained. Her reaching hand behind
her found a slab and traced clogged, ancient,
letters.
Traveller, short is my say.
Stop and read these runes.
This sombre slab covers a beautiful woman.
One of the dwarves had entered the cave. She hiered
his mind, a sharp acquisitiveness, proprietorial,
almost casual, like a hand fingering her. She
smelt him. She saw him dimly. But she was really
thinking about something else.
. . my light and my only love.
What I wished, she wished also.
What I shunned, she shunned also.
Good she was, and chaste, loyal. .
Like a mouth toothed with honey-stings, the
dwarf's mind focused.
"Lovers!!! Lovers, lovers, lovers . . "
It rushed towards her. But her fingers and her
mind were still elsewhere.
She walked nobly and spoke kindly.
Traveller, I have finished
Go.
Go?
The fusil's retort filled the room and deafened
her. Built to crude tolerances, its discharge
spread wide. The sweet-sharp mind winked out. She
felt reality adjust again as the subjective
dreamspace the Lover had projected to overwhelm
her perception and memory receded. She could still
act if she choked off her own thoughts.
She shifted in a new charge. Three, now. And
still everything was simple, very simple, and
could be kept simple.
***********************************************
The struggle was never physical. It was the
struggle to keep lying to herself, to keep acting
in ways that were not really controlled by her
primary mind but by under-mind processes that were
not subject to the influences of the Lovers. It
was surprisingly easy once you learned the trick.
Lying to yourself was an ancient human skill.
Unless she had been very very good at it she would
never have walked away from her Lovers.
Her Lovers. They were surrounding the old house
but they would not enter now. And why was that?
Somewhere at the back of her mind she knew but she
did not let herself know. In a little while she
would attend to it, but not yet.
They would wait her out, she understood, not
letting herself realize she understood. In a day
or ten days she would stagger out and then they
would take her.
She thought of reversing the fusil and taking it
in her mouth. But why should she do that, with her
Lovers near? So she thought of other things. She
tried to shut down the slow changes in her
perception that the near presence of the Lovers
was causing, but the price was that many of the
ordinary processes of her mind and body were
disarrayed. She could not allow herself to become
curious or speculate. She could not even allow
herself to become bored. If each second was
exactly like the one that preceded it, defeat
could be avoided, for one more second. She fought
for each second. Time passed without measure or
dimension.
***********************************************
There was a noise, like nothing she had ever
heard.
She shifted uneasily, cramped by her hiding
place, and tried to dismiss the noise as an
illusion. But it came again. It was a ticking and
whirring, mechanical rather than animal, very
quiet, and, she realised, not heard with the ears
of her body but overflowing from the minds of the
abhumans surrounding her. She shuddered and her
heart jumped, and then the influence upon her mind
was breaking, shattering, layer after layer of
illusion and telepathic hypnotism draining away
until her own real thoughts came to the surface,
choking and slow. She could not tell what had
happened but she could sense her Lovers her
Lovers/enemies her enemies were in great
fear, in panic, fleeing. She staggered out of the
cave, half-intending to help them despite herself,
but they were not there to mount her. Before her
was the wide open space she had crossed, and there
were the dwarves on their mounts loping away, and
coming up the slope was a machine, like a
landturtle, like a spider, like a great beetle,
making the noise that she could now hear with her
own ears. The machine strode up the slope towards
her. She watched it approaching, standing there
with her arms hanging, too weary to raise the
fusil or run. The dwarves leapt off the necks of
their mounts and scuttled away to one side. The
great shaggy men stood each a quarter second and
then rushed towards the machine with their faces
contorted with programmed maniac rage, but it
stepped round them faster than they could react
and spider-ran after the red abhumans.
There was a high animal screech, and another.
The machine vanished behind a screen of landcoral.
Had it been real?
She looked around, remembering to look up. They
leapt on you from above. But nothing, nothing. She
sat down, her legs bending faster than she had
intended. She awoke a little later to a thin blue
light shining in her eyes and metal claws holding
her as gently as a baby. The undefeated thing
planning and fighting in her lower mind made her
raise the fusil then and pull the trigger. Metal
fragments spalled off the shell of the machine
before her, but it did not startle or react in any
way.
***********************************************
When she awoke again, still later, she was
travelling. The machine sang to her in a gentle
irregular stream of notes that sounded like the
murmurs and babblings of a baby to its mother. She
was comfortable. She was curled in a cradle made
by two of its minor limbs and warmed by a cloak of
air it exhaled.
Unknown shapes of rocks and plants fled by. How
strange was life.
She tried to twist around to see the ruined
house she had sheltered in, and caught a last
glimpse of it, far behind and far away. An
upthrusting of orange rock occluded it, but before
it vanished she sent a last prayer to it and the
one resting in it, giving thanks for help and
deliverance.
***********************************************
Again she had slept, and again she was awake.
Her limbs were cramped and she stretched. She was
very hungry. The machine fed her an oily tasting
thick liquid and spoke or sang to her again while
she drank. She tried to hier it but it was
not that sort of machine. She tried to speak to it
with her mouth, for some of the sounds it made
made a sort of sense, but each word she uttered
only led to it giving more unmeaning responses or
imitations like expanding varying echoes of her
own phrases and she finally gave up. When she was
silent it wrapped her in a mat of thick fibres it
extruded and set her down on the wet ironstone.
The mat was comfortable, almost weightless but
yielding solidly. She found herself shrinking from
contact with the ground, and curled deeper into
its tangle.
She dreampt that a man came and spoke to her.
She could see he was a True man. He was arrogant
and hesitant and, she thought, had been required
to speak to her by another, by some senior person.
But his speech was as meaningless as the
machine's. She waited patiently for a long time
but he did not become intelligible to her and at
last he faded sadly away.
When she opened her eyes again the tangle of
fibres she had burrowed into was crumbling to
nothing. The machine stood near her with its
forelimbs almost straddling her. She looked at it,
studying it properly for the first time. It was
cleverly made and, though so inhuman, elegant and
beautiful and somehow delicate. It had eight major
limbs tucked well in under its curved shell. Three
minor heads or arms bobbed under its forebody,
each one bearded with sensor/manipulator clusters.
She could see scars and chips upon it, none of
them of her making, the smoothing and rounding of
aeons of wear that lent it the similitude of a
living thing. The metal of it looked hard and
ancient beyond reckoning but she was not moved to
wonder by its age. She was familiar with ancient
machineries, indeed she had never seen a machine
that was not ancient.
One of the heads dipped towards her. It spoke to
her again and again she tried to address it back.
The stream and tumble of phonemes seemed more
familiar, maddeningly like human speech, but she
still could not make sense of it.
After a little time it picked her up again and
started to move. She felt well and alert. For the
first time in days her attention expanded beyond
her own body and its pains. She looked around. The
machine was moving a little faster than a man
would walk, stepping carefully over the black sand
with its claws splayed wide. It came to the edge
of the clearing she had slept in and stepped
upward off the ground and started to pick its way
delicately across the ribbed and fluted surfaces
of the giant landcorals, the tips of its legs
gripping the red wavy ridges. In three breaths she
was ten fathoms in the air, swaying, clutching the
arms that held her and the ridges of the machine's
shell. She could see great distances from here,
back westward under the stationary sun and ahead
where all the shadows pointed forever, but there
was nothing she could recognize: no landmark, no
city. Still she stared. There were great towers
ahead of her that looked as if they had grown and
not been built, swelling out of the landcoral. At
their tips they effloresced into rays of rigid
stone that trailed beards of creeping moving
tissue, half-flesh, half vegetable. The machine
was picking its way forward and round the towers,
crossing a great hump, striding from ridge to
ridge nimbly. It pulled itself up and over the
edge of a flat level, scattering clusters of
beetles as long as her hand from the nest hollows
they had dug or eaten between the ridges, and then
moved on. The towers passed slowly by, revealing
other shapes and spaces behind them, and it seemed
to her that she need never descend, that she could
remain safe here forever. The charm of riding,
of being safe and protected yet moving bravely
abroad, ravished and delighted her for the first
time ever.
She sat up straight, noting without remark how
much better she felt now, and looked around,
looking beyond her immediate surroundings for the
first time, trying to place herself on some
internal map. But she had no map. Behind her was
the Sun. Ahead and all round her were the pillowy
swellings of landcoral and black bamboo stalks
thirty fathoms tall. In the south a volcano spewed
a slow stream of smoke lit from within by glints
of fire. In the far, far, distance, beyond the
horizon, grey misty walls of rock stained dark by
shadow curved away, and a bar of darkness cut
across the high air to the north-east, but all of
it was far ahead, the way she had never been, the
way the strange machine was taking her, eastward,
away from the Sun.
***********************************************
That sleeptime they halted on top of a tall
upthrusting of rock. The machine rocked and ticked
her to sleep and she dreampt again. This time she
stood in front of a trio of men, seated men, aged
men, men of rank, who regarded her kindly. They
asked her to sit, but she was shy and remained
standing, waiting for them to finish and release
her. They questioned her, not seeming to
understand or talk very clearly for all their
wisdom, but more clear to her than the single
young man had been. They were rich and fat and
strong, but there was a shadow in their words, and
after a while she had to leave. The walls of the
room unfolded and she saw they were actually the
limbs and flanks of the machine, which was
striding across the stone platform away from her
as she awoke. Something heavy and clanking slid
down the side of the rock and gathered itself up
and fled away, and the machine came back to her
and offered her its steel breast.
They went onwards. Each view was unlike any
other but they were all the same: red coral
surfaces like swelling brain tissue, grey
stretches of frostmoss, upjutting black spikes of
bamboo, rare cups of poisonous blue in the hollows
(don't go near), fireholes spewing steam or smoke,
and the scuttle of insects of many sizes, most
tiny, some as large as her hand, and a few
comparable in size to the machine that carried
her. But the giants were slow, herbivorous and
passive, shifting each great limb carefully and
painfully, unlike the iron beast that flitted so
fast. The machine needed all its legs to grip the
rocks and now it carried her above and behind its
heads in a fluted hollow that seemed shaped for a
passenger but was still all metal and was
uncomfortable enough to make her shift and turn
from time to time. She wanted to retire
completely, to become one with the metal and be
safe and strong like it, but she was not able to,
and she wondered if the discomfort was deliberate.
Perhaps the machine wanted her safe and
comfortable but not so comfortable that she would
be reluctant to say goodbye to it?
Where was it taking her?
She rolled over on her back and looked up into
the sky. Above her was the copper arch of the
heaven, with nothing in its depth but the few dim
stars. But hanging under the stars was a thing, a
crooked streak of colour, a long warped bent shape
seen from beneath, a pod or body suspended from
two wings. It was a flying bird, perhaps, perhaps
one of the azhdarcho? No, it was far away, very
high up (the start of panic left her) and must be
even bigger than the dragons. She could see its
two translucent membranous wings flexing ever so
slightly as it glided through the air, and the
long thin rigid fuselage at the junction between
them. Was it dangerous? It was drifting slowly,
far above, gliding in the still air scarcely
faster than the machine was walking. It was doing
nothing. The membranes that supported it flexed
very slowly. She watched it as it turned and
circled, and finally it drifted away.
How long had it been flying above them?
They came to another of the stepped mesas the
machine favoured as stopping places and it set her
down. She looked up again. The machine approached
her, and spoke, and this time she understood.
"Sssleeppp."
She tried to reply, though her mouth was dry and
rusty. "No. I do not need more sleep yet." She was
soaked and dizzy with sleep. She broke away but
there was nowhere to run. The machine came up
behind her. It pawed her arm very gently and then
wrapped it in a steel claw as tender as a breath.
It had started to extrude the thick puffy threads
she loved to rest in again, coiling them into a
round nest before her.
"Heeeerrre. Sleep."
She lay down obediently, angrily, and gazed into
the sky, In the center of its dome hung the flying
thing, returned, with the dim red light shining
through its wings. Her eyelids drooped.
© Pinlighter
20 nov 2008
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