By Pinlighter
Dully compelled, he spoke, again, for the twentieth
time.
He tried to explain.
His wife's mood had been anger and desperation.
Now, pure despite
was added, and her pupils narrowed. Striving to be blind,
striving to see her as human, he read her mind, as he could not help
but do now. Not the surface part of her mind, but that other part
below the surface, the part that evaluated power, status, alliance,
survival, and sex by ruthless rules he read, as now it made her change
posture, closing her arms and legs and turning her breasts away from
the line between them in a message unmistakable to any man who had once
known her body . . . .while her mouth uttered some dull bitter
platitude.
She spoke, but he scarcely heard what she
said. The
new vision waxed and waned. His son and daughter huddled together
in the door behind her, whispering. Black lines seemed to
radiate from them, mapping their doubt and reevaluation.
They all assumed he was mad or lying. And
what did they
know? That he had gone out days before, swearing love, promising
to find some treasure, maybe to dream of finding the Path and fame: but
really only doing as desperate men did, exploring the slopes far below
the safe zones, looking for ore or metal or pure springs or new
vegetation and finding only rock and crawling things. That he had
come back alone and lacking nearly all his gear, starving, down to his
last cartridge, scarred and battered and apparently out of his
mind.
She would never believe he had any thing to do with the
noise and the
light that had broken the sky. Who would believe
that? The dread of poverty that had been the motor of her
life was now drawing to a crisis. She had almost decided, and now
she would not listen to any thing he said, for after the unchanging
habit of all men and women her intellect would be used to justify her
decision not to critique it. Soon, therefore, she would
leave him and embrace some other man, or indenture herself to a
worksmaster and hope to live at least by that means. He
would be left alone.
But she still bought him food, for the
present.
She left. He huddled in the shabby bed. The
black drapes
were closed, though an uneasy wind stirred them. His skin
had nearly stopped its painless weeping. In a little while
he would have to rise, and face other human beings.
***********************************************
Rocks, thrown from outside, cracked against the shutters
again.
He flinched, yet something dragged him erect, forced him from the bed,
to open the windows and look at the street.
There was no-one visible there. The words swelled
and swelled
within him till he had to let them out. He cried and
screamed at the empty street, shouting out what he had seen in the
sky. After a little time, laughter and more rocks answered him.
***********************************************
One day, the next day or the day after, there was a
change in her
demeanour. Something had changed: but she would not explain why,
and he could only tell that some thing unknown was approaching, and
that someone had contacted her and the plan of her being now
incorporated the idea that he might be some use and worth once more, in
some way. He tried to talk to her again, obsessed by the
depths of strategy behind her every move, depths which he now realised
ruled all people, iron puppetmasters with ignorant puppets, and as he
tried to reach through many barriers to communicate with her there was
a knock on the door, a knock he instantly realised she had foreknown.
She led them in: three tall men, their minds as bare as
bone. And two armed guards with them.
She expected or hoped for some thing, but he knew no
names. They
were richly dressed, and the code of dress and ornament which he could
now read as perfectly as all other codes told him only that they were
of this or that clan and of this or that rank, but all far, far above
him; that they had been lured here by his wild screams and shouts,
relayed by such and such a whispering-gallery of reports, and then led
on by words with her; and that this was a routine investigation to
them, meaningless, sure to be fruitless.
He had no ideas, no plans.
They questioned him and rumbled words to each
other. The
meaning of their words reached him before the words themselves, as the
red flash of a volcano miles away precedes by many seconds the thunder
that is heard upon the terraces. He answered before they had
finished speaking, sometimes before they had started speaking, and they
did not understand. They thought he was an ill, dying, poor, mad,
man, and nothing to do with the thing that had split the
sky.
The interview wound down to an end in nothing. But
one of them,
the lowest in rank, wore dull white. That and the man's shaved
head and slashed Sunwheel marked him as a minor Heliomancer, and
something, nothing, made him reach toward this man with his hands at
the end of the interview, and gasp some of the same words he had tried
to reach his wife with. A guard started forward with whip raised,
and the shaven man pulled back from physical contact in
status-revulsion masked as pity; but deep inside the shaven man, deep
inside, something real flared.
"They are Eating the Sun."
***********************************************
"And it seized you? It took you into the
heavens?"
"Yes. I . ."
Days had passed, and more of them had come and gone and
come
again. They were all clustered round his bed now. One
who had not been present on the first visit, a very old man, wild eyed,
leant forward eagerly to speak. "And what was there? What
did you see, in the
sky?" He glanced sideways to check that he would not be
prevented. Images radiated from the very old man's
mind, great beasts devouring shining lamps, the fall of the universe,
ruin, and yet within them was a thread of hope and rebirth. He
wore purple, and a sign unlike the dark-slashed sunwheel of the
Heliomancers, a disk of pure black flicked by one speck of
emerald.
He spoke again, and real belief backed the words that
issued from
him.
"What promise did you receive? How goes the
battle? Are we
defeated yet?"
"Defeat??? . . . Surely . . . Long since. .
." Tears leaked
from him, he scarcely understood what he said, or why defeat should be
a sign of hope. "There is nowhere, nowhere . . . Father,
what are these things? Do you know?"
"I know. I will explain."
Some peace entered his heart. Spoken by another's
mouth, the
words would have been only another lie; but the old man, alone of all
these people, believed what he said, and perhaps some fragment of
knowledge dwelt far inside him.
"There is a part for you to play, my son."
***********************************************
The days passed. He was left in peace now.
They bought
fruit and food for his children, paid the debts, even sent some sullen
slaves to help him dress and eat and recover. But he still did
not dare leave the house. He could not look at the sky, for
he knew what was in the sky: he was still crippled by that dread.
He could not look at men, for now he saw too much in men: all men
seemed as vicious as Eaters, like the things that dwelt in the
sky. Though he was beginning to master the new vision
it would never leave him entirely. He could never see the world
with the blind eyes from which he had once looked.
The old man came again and again to talk to
him. He was
mad, of course, for he believed in things wider and greater than the
scrabble for rank and sex that was the game of all other men.
Mad, yet somehow the eternal battles bled off survivors like this,
visionaries,
prophets, losers, soft-headed, soft-hearted. Perhaps
they represented the accidental concentration of some quality that was
a competitive strength when it was diluted and spread abroad.
Perhaps a glimpse at truth and reality, but no more than a glimpse,
could make men better at struggling and fighting among the rocks, as
once a glimpse of the Sun had given him hope and comfort when he had
not known what dwelt at its core.
They spoke together. He tried to explain what he
had seen, and
the things the old man tried to teach him in return washed over him,
meaningless ancient stories. He was unable to believe in lies or
myths now. He could only see the truth, what men truly thought,
saw, desired, intended. He could only speak the
truth. He could only hear the truth.
He was crippled: but he tried, hopelessly,
futilely, for a long
long time, to transcend that knowledge: and then, when it nontheless
came, he tried to turn aside what the very old man would ask him to
do.
***********************************************
Near the end, his wife came to him again.
They spoke.
He had moved so far from her, now, that nothing she said could hurt
him. She was thin, ugly, ill-proportioned, to his now clearseeing
eyes. She spoke, and he replied, and it was almost amusing, what
she said, until she faltered and began to behave in ways that made no
sense, even to his new eyes that saw so very much: and he watched her
as somehow she stopped and halted and crumpled in on herself.
Astonishingly, for no reason, her face tensed and twisted and became
wet: and her hands reached to him and touched him very gently.
With that touch his soul was filled with a flood of reasonless
grief. He tried to see into her with the new sight and saw
nothing that made any sense: only grief, and something else, persisting
and persisting despite all rational reason: pity and pity for him, an
agony.
Had he, after all, been wrong? Had the wisdom of
the deep skies
been only folly?
What was wisdom, after all?
He held her, and for a short time she pressed her head
to his breast,
silent. But she had to leave him very soon.
***********************************************
They took him with a company of twenty guards, in a
litter. There
were singers, dancers, beautiful young women from the closed houses
rarely let out, parading their naked faces and scattering rice and
green leaves. A rough avenue of staring faces bounded their
going. The porters sweated and swore. The shaven men
blessed his passing, each one exuding smug relief and boredom behind
reverent faces. His hands were bound, behind the curtains,
and his mouth stopped, but he would not have struggled if he could.
They took him down the slope by paths other than he had
explored, but
to a destination he knew. The Path of the Road, the
Heliomancers say, was set in ancient times: it only waits on us to find
it. In like fashion his path had been set, before his
birth, and nothing he could do, no plea, no struggle, no blind cowering
away from knowledge, would turn it aside. He knew his
doom. Down, back, down by sloping and slanting ways, stumbling
and sweating over the rocks, to the place he had come from, the plateau
far from the City, far below the City, and the ruined crippled metal
thing there waiting: and they unbound him, they took him out of the
palanquin and made him walk, and singing and blessing him, they forced
his trembling hands back into contact with the control plates by the
opening.
***********************************************
He was awake
again.
This time he knew that
damage was crippling. There
had been no
relief obtained, no succour, no aid. He had not been fed or
repaired or helped as he had a right and joy to expect. His
love had won no return in blood from those he had sought to protect: he
lay in the dust, bleeding, his energies cut to a fraction of what they
had been on his first awakening, his skin pierced in a score of places,
his heart stuttering. He might fly again, but only once. He
could never land, or if he did he would be utterly ruined and
broken.
It was a time of endings.
Yet there remained one thing
to do, the thing
he had been made for, his life, his meaning. Enough power
yet remained to rise into the skies, once, and fight.
He still had enough strength.
His perception of pain and
damage changed appropriate to an entity that expected to endure only
thirty
minutes more. He took sitings, gathered himself. The tiny
clutter of life withdrew from the ground near him.
>
He waited until a little
time had passed, and once more he plunged
Out into the void.
Prepared, now,
forewarned, he exchanged messages again with the ancient navigation
beacons scattered around the mouth of the great scar on the Earth, took
advice. Prepared, singing his death-song, he roared
skyward. >
***********************************************
The first Eater leapt down
at him like a snake of black
bloody
dust. He scorched it to ribbons, tearing its delicate flesh apart
not by sheer energy but by cunning, untwisting the sinews of its heart
with delicate touches of just the right wavelengths.
The second tried to sweep
him up with a black wing of
night. An armoured electromagnetic egg, he punched through
it, and it faded to scraps of mist and poison.
The third tried to penetrate
his core with a beam of
black light.
He took the blow to his heart squarely, and heterodyned feedback
vibrations into the beam that flooded the center of his enemy with
light.
They were weak, weak, weak,
the ones he had dreaded!!!!
His pains were forgotten,
for a little while. He
rose high,
higher than before. The inner radiation belts expanded before
him, and he plunged fearlessly through them. The touch of each
layer of night on his ghost-flesh was like the crack and smash of
flimsy insect shells, as vile, as feeble. Guardian entities
smote him and he smote back unafraid, realising that these enemies were
all unpracticed in battle with such as he, that his fear had been
gloriously needless.
He burst out into the middle
realm.
Creatures of greater
power approached him, Ulterior beings, serpents of the high air:
yet even they did not dare approach too close. They paced
him on either side as he rode higher, and tried to block the currents
of force that propelled him. They knew fear!! He
evaded them easily, and broke them one after the other with quick
slights of fire. He roared in joy as he slew
and slew and slew.
He
rose beyond the
magnetopause, into the Solar realm, where the radiations and fields of
the system primary ruled. And now he was a creature of plasma and
light more than metal. As the complex of forces around him
expanded so the node at its center became less and less relevant.
The core of life within him interacted directly, via its own native
pneumadynamic fields, with the aether in which he swam, almost
bypassing the metal shell that was now little more than a
catalyst. Terrible pains racked him, yet he was living fully, he
was spending his heart's blood joyfully, and in a flash of ecstasy he
dreampt of plunging into the true Depths, beyond even the heliopause,
extending his Wings to the size of planets and scooping up the thin
interstellar plasmas, Out into the realm as far above this one as this
was above the Inner Circle and that above the atmosphere which men had
once been able to breath. He dreampt, he remembered -
yet even now, with a touch of fear - of boosting to lightspeed, flying
far from all stars, and fighting the Dragons there, the Fathers of the
Eaters, as he had fought them in his youth. >
Far above the planet he
stopped. His
strength was nearly
all spent. A ring of enemies surrounded him like a wall of
storm. Soon, he would fall again: this was his last defiant
height.
In a thoughtless
second, he glanced down.
He had searched the depths
of space, probed the core of
this systems'
sun, and yet only now did he study the planet below him
carefully. Only now was he far enough above it to see it as a
whole, estimate its size, trace the lines of the ancient continents,
recognize what it was. And as he looked he saw some thing
far worse than the Dragons, a woe greater than any nightmare from the
black depths of space. For he was not lost. This was
not some distant colony, some failure of terraforming or chance
lodgement of mankind in the sky-strewn wastes. He was not far
away, though he had slept far, far, longer than he had realised.
He was not among the distant cold stars. He was at the center of
things. He was Home.
***********************************************
Deep in the poison
mists,
once more.
Now only a little time
remained. His last fight,
his last fall,
were past. And he had fallen further this time, down and down to
the very bottom of the valley, tumbling out of control and
lost. This was a level area at the bottom of the strange
vast cut in the Earth. There was liquid water near him, hot dense
air, life of some sort . . . but he could sense very little now, and
was not any more concerned with the future. He wandered among
scattered knowledge and memories.
He was Home. This was
Urd, Eden, Manhome, now
frozen to ice and
scoured with the winds of time. The battles that had raged across
all the arms of the home galaxy had ended: death and the forces of
darkness had triumphed everywhere, there as beyond. The rebellion
of life against the Powers of the Slayers had been put down, and
mankind's brave course had been but a pebble in their way. He had
not recognised the Sun because the Sun was dying, being
Eaten. He had not recognised the stars of the galaxy
because they too were dimming, unevenly, long before their right time,
and the sky was filled with the shipwrecks of nebulae, the burnt fumes
from twice-slain stars. He had not recognised his Home because
his home was ruined, frozen, split, desiccated, with only a crack
remaining in the ground wherein a remnant might creep to
hide. A remnant that numbered thousands, not the hundreds
of billions of humanity at its height of power: a remnant that could
not possibly retain the knowledge and skills required to fuel and tend
a machine like him.
He wondered, in a little
dream, whence came this Valley? For only
in a conformation like this could human life now survive, nestled deep
within the protecting geopsychomagnetic field of what was yet disguised
as just another slain world; warm enough in one place for a fragment of
a biosphere to endure without betraying planetforming works to support
it; and with its technology so depressed as to be invisible to the
Slayers, because beneath noise level for them. No great
star-spanning civilisation could hope to endure against the forces now
cleaning the stars of life. So had they retreated here, to
what seemed another broken field of defeat, and hidden in the
mud.
Or was it mere
chance? What had he
done? He had
raised his head to fight. Had he bought utter doom??? He
would die before knowing. His day was past, his last battle
fought, and he could only hope his defiance had not bought the last
shred of humanity to the attention of forces that would exterminate it
quickly.
Yet he was awake still, and once more he had
returned to ground with his rider. Whether he had done well
or ill, once more he had a last duty before he died.
***********************************************
He had expected death. He still lived, within the
machine.
Outside . . . . he could see, with the same
ghost-vision he had
retained once before.
The ground was flat. Around him was a scatter of
boulders,
draining streams, a pebbly dry lake bottom with rounded stones telling
of water, strange fleshy vegetation . . . and there was light,
enough to see by, enough for the plants to live. There were
marks and tracks of animals. Life could survive here.
It would be hot and acrid, but he could not be many miles down from the
lowest points explorers from the City had reached. The usual
slope of the valley side was behind him: but he was not on any ledge or
plateau that ended with another new drop, but on a plain that stretched
hundreds of meters away to the east in his mechanically enhanced sight
and then rose there in small irregular hills. This was not
another groove on the edge of the Valley, bounded by another endless
fall: this was its floor. The great descent his people had spent
thirty generations making had ended, and here, only a few miles down
below the curtain of mist, was the end of their journey, the end of the
Path, the proper place for the last Pylon ever on the Road, unless it
should continue along the level ground. In a little while, as the
deep mists cleared, human life would be possible here, over a living
space hundreds of times greater than any humanity had known for
millennia. And he, he, had found it.
The ship around him was dying. He could sense, as
if he was a
ghost in a dying body, its energies failing and dispersing, its tough
systems going offline one after the other. Yet it
still cared for him, and now as the interior light faded once
more and the threads pulled from his temples he saw it had one last
gift for him: not only his flimsy clothing and boots but a weapon, a
strange thing like an axe with a rotating diskoid blade; and a mask, a
mask like the negative of a face, with a flask, a tube leading to the
mouthparts: something obviously, obviously made to assist the
breathing.
The memories of two lives filled his mind.
One life of
human birth, work, marriage, and hope within the City of the Road
Makers: and one of manufacture and conflict far above the sky, among
the distant stars, with only a loving memory of an ancient Earth given
to him by what he thought of as his gods. Yet he understood - if
he could only order his mind - how he had see and not seen the
truth, how he had cut to the core of things in the confusion of metal
and flesh and yet been as misled as any man who thinks a skull more
real than the face that clasps it, as misled as the poor machine
that had known only battle and death and had sought it until it was
destroyed.
He was not afraid now. He was not afraid of
men any more,
for he had seen worse things than men, and he had fought and slain his
enemies, though not in his proper body. He was not afraid of
death: he had passed through death. A task remained for
him, and a message to give, battles to fight and a journey to
make. He had regained hope.
He might die, but his Path was set before his feet.
He took the weapon in hand. He clapped the
mask to his
face. It clung like a lover, and a gush of pure oxygen filled his
lungs.
© pinlighter
9 Jan
2005
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